If you haven't had a comprehensive talk with your spouse or partner about money, do it soon. It's important.
A 2009 study by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University found that "financial disagreements" rank among the main causes of marital trouble. Couples who "disagree about finances once a week" are over 30 percent more likely to divorce than those disagreeing "a few times a month." Dew concluded: "money disputes are the best harbinger of divorce."
Keep communication open about your financial situation and goals. Here are five tips to guide you.
Make a "Money Date" (and Don't Forget the Fun)
Most couples don't view money discussions as enjoyable. Honestly, they usually start when problems arise—defenses go up, debates begin, and the mood tanks.
Try a different approach: treat financial conversations as a scheduled event, like changing your refrigerator filter. Put it on the calendar—first Tuesday of the month, payday, whenever. A scheduled meeting removes the sense of trial or trouble and puts both spouses on equal footing, creating a better mood.
And remember: this is a date. Time alone with your spouse. Have the talk at your favorite restaurant or, if budget is tight, in the park with a picnic. Pair the "work" with fun so you both come to the table smiling. ## Really Listen and Try Your Best to Empathize
Your spouse's financial habits may drive you up the wall (and vice versa—let's be fair). But remember: you're in this together. You're a team. These discussions require patience and understanding.
Listen to your partner with reassurance and positivity. They may share difficult things about past behavior or how they view your situation. And you must be willing to admit your own mistakes. This surfaces the information needed for a good plan and brings you together emotionally by eliminating blame.
Everyone brings preconceived notions about money shaped by what they saw growing up. You and your spouse may be "wired" differently. One of you might find a splurge on wine relaxing; the other sees it as stressful. You might disagree on how many loans to take for a home, even if you can afford them both.
The core truth: you're different individuals with unique perspectives on money's value, what you want to do with it, and how much you need. Listen to these differences and work together to build a plan you both can agree on and live with.
## Look at The Big Picture, Not Just the Numbers
Big picture means your shared goals. What do you both want? What short-term and long-term goals matter to you? Money conversations become enjoyable when framed around dreams: a vacation, the home you'll retire in, or giving to a cause you both care about.
When you view money as a tool to create your ideal life, you can both be realistic about cutting back where needed and allocating toward what brings fulfillment. Sit together and make a list of what you want from life. Include short-term and long-term goals, practical and fun ones. Understanding your financial goals together and how to become financially organized helps ensure you're both working toward the same vision.
Thinking about building an emergency fund while also saving for a special trip sounds more enjoyable, doesn't it? ## Bring in Some Outside Help
A third party can help with both technical aspects and communication between you and your spouse. You may agree on goals but not know how to get from A to B—a qualified, credentialed financial planner can bridge that gap, break down goals, and build a plan. An objective professional acts as a quarterback, navigating emotion and getting you to the finish line.
Some couples worry they don't have time for an advisor or to gather information. Modern technology solves this: screen-sharing and online tools mean in-person meetings often aren't necessary for quality planning.
Look for credentialed advisors. Certifications and memberships in professional organizations signal comprehensive training and experience. Examples: Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Organizations like XY Planning Network and NAPFA focus on fiduciary advisors—those who don't accept commissions from banks or insurers, ensuring they work in your best interest.
Financial issues strain relationships. You and your spouse each bring your own ideas and habits about money. Take time to discuss those differences and work together toward shared goals and dreams for your financial future. Having these conversations with cash reserves ready and a clear plan to live within your means helps you move from dialogue to action.
Start a conversation with us to build a financial plan that aligns with both partners' values and goals.
